RDF/RSS Feed
Atom Feed
A: When you get another email offering you a fantastic idea for a novel because the idea person admits to not being able to/wanting to/having time to write it, but is sure you could do it and then the two of you could split the no-doubt-substantial money.
It doesn’t work that way. But some people still think it does…or could. And there’s no polite way to explain (I’ve tried, with those who’ve caught me in person.)
B) When you discover, toward the end of a novel, that you’ve given two characters three different names each. Not POV characters, where you’d catch it quickly, but minor characters who are important to other characters and are talked about. And no, the first names you gave them did not get into the supposedly complete “Names” file. Since, as my husband puts it, more than one is an infinite number…if you gave them three different names, is a fourth lurking unsuspected in another chapter? Or more? Can you pass off the alternate names as nicknames? (No. Especially since one of them has, as one name, the name of the other one.) Um…middle name? (No.) What about any not-yet-found-and-changed-back-to-the-real-name names? (No.) Deep heartfelt sigh.
C) So in a very fraught week and a bit, you think you’re caught up on everything and have contacted everyone you should, with the information they requested, and are wondering why X didn’t ever email back. You’re composing a friendly but firm email to ask to ask X to respond when (by the grace of the small gods of email) you decide to re-read your answer to X first. In which you said (a week ago) that you would provide more information in a day or two. Only….you didn’t. Eeep!!
D) In a situation ongoing for several months, trying to cancel an out-of-date and no-longer-used dial-up internet service, you realize that you’ve well and truly landed in a Klein bottle of commercial logic when your name, your address, your (former) credit card number (the one you paid with for years) and your official government ID number–NONE of them–can be found on internet service’s database…only the account number will (maybe) return a result so they can cancel the service. Without the account number, you can’t get anywhere. (The last use of this service was ten years ago, working through a laptop that no longer functions at all and is presently sitting on the floor under the desk, mired in dust. That laptop might–if it could be booted–have the username and password that would let you access the account and thus retrieve the account number. But…you don’t recall either, and you were the good little person who never wrote passwords down, in those days…those days when you had many fewer passwords to remember and a really good memory for things like that. Both of which circumstances have changed.)
Comment by Larry Lennhoff — April 11, 2013 @ 10:02 am
If they won’t cancel the account, dispute the credit card charge.
Comment by Genko — April 11, 2013 @ 10:55 am
Yeah, especially the memory part. I also have a defunct laptop, not quite that old, that I should take my own files off of and take down to donate to freegeek to be refurbished and resold. Haven’t done it yet, and it’s anyone’s guess when or if I will get to that.
Comment by Jenn — April 11, 2013 @ 11:27 am
It sounds like you need a weekend in the main characters’ private lounge. I hear they have a nice jacuzzi tub, trained masseuse, and a open bar. Being the author I don’t think they can kick you out.
Comment by Gareth — April 11, 2013 @ 11:53 am
A) If any comment we make here spurs any idea PLEASE do write the story but no need to split anything except the pleasure of reading it.
B) Would copy editors spot?
C) Been there done that – but failed to spot until after sending the firm note. Be glad you realised. You have to grovel much more after you send the firm note…
D) Refuse to pay without an invoice stating the account number. Did they put a reference on the CC bill. Tell them you plan to publish their name and address so ALL your readers can tell them what they think … no that’s probably illegal so don’t (just think it).
E) Buy yourself a punchbag – good exercise (though maybe your hands won’t like it) but very cathartic.
Comment by elizabeth — April 11, 2013 @ 4:23 pm
Therein lies the problem. The credit card that used to automatically pay this had to be canceled (was hacked) and while notifying those who expected my credit card payments of the new amount, I thought “It really is time to cancel this–I haven’t used it in years.” However, not expecting a problem, I had already cut up the old credit card with the old number on it, and disposed of the little cut up pieces in multiple trash pickups. Since I never got paper bills, or even email notices, from this company, I have nothing to dispute because no money is now leaving my account (the only card number they have was canceled.) Modern billing. According to their credit department, at some point the overdue amount will trigger an actual paper letter to me…but they’re not sure when…and then I’ll have an account number.
Comment by Dave — April 11, 2013 @ 5:58 pm
D) You missed the part where they’ve switched customer databases and the old accounts are no longer accessible even if you have your old account number. So the person on the phone has to get her boss to talk to the guy in the basement who is the only one who knows how to get onto the old system. No kidding, this happened to me (well, I’m just guessing about the part about the guy in the basement).
Comment by Linda — April 11, 2013 @ 7:27 pm
This has me rather nervous. I am thinking of switching banks (my little one was gobbled up by one I like less and less). And I’m looking at twenty plus years of canceled checks and old statements
The theme at church has been “letting go” and our book group is studying the spirituality of Thoreau, so I have this really strong desire to get rid of all of it.
But what if I will need some of the info in the future to straighten out some mess. Argh.
ON the character with three names … my real life situation is discovering that someone I thought was person x (known mainly through e-mails and other people’s comments) is actually person y. Now I am utterly confused because I can’t remember/figure out what is actually true of X and what is true of Y. And I still don’t know what X looks like.
Last night I was at a premier where a young actor saw the finished film in which he starred for the first time. He commented that he was surprised when he saw things in the film which he had thought had actually happened to him. I know that sometimes I have a very hard time separating what I have dreamed and what has actually happened.
Comment by Richard — April 12, 2013 @ 1:10 am
One thing bothers me about online investment – suppose that old internet account was the one used to take out, say, a 25-year life insurance bond – and the person needing to cash it in is not you but the executor of your estate? How would your executor even know what accounts you have?
Comment by Sharidann — April 12, 2013 @ 1:37 am
To A): having written one novel so far myself, I can only say that unless you have tried your hand at it, you have no idea of the sheer work it represents.
To B) Search / replace can help but usually, only multiple rereads can really solve the issue
To C) Happens to me all the time too 🙁
To D) Had the same problem a couple of years ago, was also a bit of a nightmare, thank God, I hade kept some good old paper trace. I just find it weird that they didn’t contact you sooner. Usually, in Europe, you get contacted within 3 monthes of missing a payment….
Anyway, all my sympathy.
Comment by elizabeth — April 12, 2013 @ 7:39 am
Sharidann: The previous card wasn’t canceled until the end of January, and the card company covers 30 days of recurring payments, to give the person (me, in this case) time to contact all the sources of recurring payments. So the payment wasn’t missed until the following billing cycle.
Character names have now been settled; it only remains to clean out the now-wrong ones from the chapters they might be in. Luckily, those are all in the same POV stream. I think.
Comment by Kerry aka Trouble — April 12, 2013 @ 2:02 pm
Richard@7 – That’s probably not an insurmountable problem. I recently got a letter from an insurance company where my deceased husband had a policy. He’s been dead for 14 years now, but Social Security evidently keeps track of deaths and notifies insurance companies about once a decade – at least that’s what they told me when I asked about it. I had no idea this policy existed, but all I had to do was forward them a certified copy of the death certificate and sign a statement that the policy was lost and if found would be returned to them without trying to collect on it a second time.
Comment by Suburbanbanshee — April 12, 2013 @ 7:36 pm
Re: booting up, you actually just need the hard drive itself (put it in an external drive holder). You can then just run it off the USB port of your current computer, just like any other external drive.
Comment by climbski — April 12, 2013 @ 9:45 pm
A. I would explain to them that storytelling is a high art. A great storyteller can make any subject or plot fascinating and that is the skill that makes you worthy of all the millions of dollars you roll around in. Tell that person you could make a story about a rock just sitting there into an incredible award winning multimillion dollar profitable epic if you felt like working on it. Tell em the plot and subjects are just the excuse for a good story and as such are basically worthless to you. (ok don’t be rude like me but it might be fun to imagine it)
B. I have no clue what to do about this except smile and be happy anyway. A part of me thinks you should just add another name cause you are the ultimate power in your writing universe and it could be fun to confuse your readers. Or you could work real hard to find all the cases in which they appear or are referred to and fix their names. Or you could let a fanatical fan do it cause they would love to sneak a peak ahead of publish anyway.
C. Laugh at the narrow escape from the dark and foreboding land of Pedemoris
D. Call your bank/card and explain the situation they should be able to block further bills. Past paid ones.. not so much.
Comment by Sharidann — April 13, 2013 @ 1:06 am
@Elizabeth: Ah ok, so they can’t debit anymore but you can’t cancel right away so they shall make a couple of free bucks off your hide till you get the contract number to be able to cancel the contract…. If so, why not A) write the company, explain the situation and clearly state that, as of now, you cancel the contract (provided it is the only contract you have with this firm, ought to be clear) and B) contact your bank to make sure the new Credit card doesn’t honor future payments…
I had a couple of similar problems last year sorting out stuff for my mom and now have a procedure firmly in place: Step 1: write a simple letter cancelling the contract. Step 2: if no answer to your letter, send a second letter but as registered mail with acknowledgment of receipt. Step 3: if still no reaction, contact the CC company or the bank and cancel the payment authorization, which is SURE to provoke a reaction. Each time they got back at me, the fact that I had sent registered mail and had – hence – proof that I wrote them about cancellation of the contract tended to help solve the problems quite fast. (ok, there was also one very funny time where a customer rep on the phone told me that indeed they got the first letter but cancelled the contract based on the registered mail one month later…. Was funny because with the first letter, I was in the right time frame for cancellation, with the second one, they could theoretically have charged my mom for one more year of a service she didn’t use anymore. All in all, only sharks around there, so I tend to document everything… and when they look sheepish and apologize, well kinda makes my day. 🙂
Sorry for the long post, such administrative issues really irk me, particularly as I slowly realize how much our modern world is rough for people who are a bit older. 🙁
Comment by Richard — April 13, 2013 @ 4:17 am
Limits‘s publication day is in sight – count the weekends.
This old gnome, he played two,
He played nick-knack out of true,
etc
(Remember, this is just the wee Thieves in the breakroom having fun being silly.)
Comment by Richard — April 13, 2013 @ 4:20 am
(I just used the CITE html tag there instead of I for italic as I’ve always done before – it worked!) Oops for the surplus “s”.
Comment by Karen — April 13, 2013 @ 5:55 am
I’ve been having trouble with my laptop since just before Christmas (I spilled liquid just after I got it a year and a half ago, but it behaved well for over a year), so I can only tell you how deeply I empathize with your billing situation.
You see, I made the mistake of signing up for online bill payment with my credit union. It turns out that when you do that, one of my utility companies ceases to claim any responsibility for issuing a bill (even though numerous explanations for various charges are legally mandated in my state). They blame my credit union (or rather, the company they probably own) for the fact that I can only view the total amount owed, and none of the details that get me to how that amount became due.
In other words, I believe that one should never under-estimate the ability of a company that’s been receiving a comfy stream of income to resist, obfuscate, and refuse to stop any and all business practices dreamed up by CFOs and their underlings to take our money in ways that take advantage of the fact that laws haven’t kept up with either the benefits and deficits of technology leaps.
On the naming front, I have no help to give except maybe a cyber hug, if you’ll accept it? I swear that I was born with a mental deficit that makes it hard for me to remember names in general (probably too much information, but I have confidence that its genetic since my now 99 year-old grandmother has called me by the name of everyone in the family or her social circle for as long as I can remember, despite being smart as a whip to this day).
The only good thing about knowing you’re hopeless with names that I’ve ever discovered is that you can develop strategies (like coming up with lists, learning how to use search engines, and just plain teaching the people who care about you that they need to listen to the rest of what you’re saying so that they can fill in the blanks associated with anomia).
So I would second whoever :;): it was that said that searching and hunting for naming inconsistencies might be something you could leave to either an obsessive fan or a really good copy editor?
Comment by Jenn — April 13, 2013 @ 8:17 am
This old gnome he played three
He played nick-knack on Oakhollow’s tree
etc..
Verrakai children will take the odds if the wee thieves will take the evens.
59 days left!
Comment by Richard — April 14, 2013 @ 11:40 am
Jenn,
of course the Verrakai children can play. The wee Thieves are particularly pleased with their five and seven (though their six and nine are the most anti-gnomish of what’s to come) so perhaps the other way round?
Comment by Daniel Glover — April 14, 2013 @ 11:57 am
Regarding #A, If you can find a copy of today’s (4/14) Sally Forth comic strip you’ll get a kick about Ted’s next great novel. Can’t find a good link right now–I get mine hard copy.
Comment by GinnyW — April 14, 2013 @ 12:53 pm
All I can offer is sympathy, but ANY week in which you can think of four head-desk moments to describe deserves a Thank God I Survived, and a fresh start on the next one.
Regarding A). Anyone with so little grasp of where a writer’s motivation to work at writing, and IT IS WORK, comes from deserves to be ignored.
B) At least the problem doesn’t stretch out over three already published, and one well along in the process novels. So it could be worse. And it just highlights the importance of the braiding process, which might otherwise feel like wasting time/not writing.
C) It happens. And by cleverly looking at the email you sent before you sent the grumpy one you saved yourself some embarassment. Good habit!
D) Sharidann has the best solution, if you have an actual address. The account number may be wherever the original contract is, if you can find it. Good luck.
Jenn and Richard: If I may insert a verse?
This old gnome, he played four
He played knick-knack on dragon’s door…
Comment by Jenn — April 14, 2013 @ 3:08 pm
Good show GinnyW!
5, 6 & 7 belong to the Wee thieves (can’t wait) so the Verrakai children will start thinking up 8.
hmm….
Hate,
slate,
ingratiate….
Comment by Vikki — April 14, 2013 @ 7:44 pm
The children should instigate
Comment by Richard — April 15, 2013 @ 5:45 pm
(It’s not a weekly countdown/up any more)
He played nick-knack, duck and dive
Comment by Jenn — April 16, 2013 @ 9:05 am
I know I said I would wait to eight but the Verrakai children insisted
He played nick-knack with Alured’s tricks
Comment by Richard — April 16, 2013 @ 1:11 pm
Jenn,
you have me worried that the wee Thieves may actually have been singing “Gird we hate” for number eight behind my back. It would fit the most-ungnomish-gnome theme. From the Verrakai children it emphatically would not do (or Elizabeth would have to tell Dorrin’s squires).
Seven is a total non-sequitur, but that’s alright since the whole song is nonsense anyway.
The children are getting bored with always the same line three, so for one verse only, after which it is back to combing the dwarf:
This old gnome, he played six,
He played nick-knack doing tricks,
With a nick-knack baddie-whack wash-a-dwarf-in-foam,
This old gnome came rolling home.
….
He played nick-knack (bread needs leaven),
….
Comment by Jenn — April 16, 2013 @ 5:02 pm
Richard,
Fear not. Hate is not in eight but you will to have to wait.
The Verrakai Children had posted a verse six but it seems to have “gone between”. Oh well.
We have a line three to tag-a-long with 8 so have the Wee Thieve hurry it up with verse 7.
Comment by GinnyW — April 17, 2013 @ 7:49 am
I have one for ten, but I heard it from the children of Duke’s West (led by Valichi’s grandchildren or is it great-grandchildren now?). I saw them on the North Road playing soldier and marching to the song. I fear that they are heading for the extra’s breakroom, and a less than peaceful engagement with the young thieves and Verrakai’s is ahead of us.
Comment by Jenn — April 17, 2013 @ 8:33 am
Richard,
I have discovered that I cannot read (having completely missed the small line for verse seven).
Verrakai children all stand up on their make shift risers, attention to the director. Together they chant:
This old gnome he played eight
He played nick-knack with Dorrin’s fate
With a nick-knack city-sack over, Aarenis we roam.
this old gnome goes limping home.
Verrakai children wait for the thunderous applause to slowly die and as one take a bow.
Comment by Gareth — April 17, 2013 @ 3:10 pm
This old gnome he played nine
He played nick-knack with a legal fine
With a nick-knack paddy whack cast him out to roam
This old gnome won’t be rolling home
Comment by Richard — April 18, 2013 @ 3:53 pm
*applause*
Comment by Jenn — April 19, 2013 @ 8:22 am
This old gnome he played ten
He played ten for Mikeli’s men
With a nick-knack baddie whack write the elf a poem
The old gnome finally came home.
Comment by GinnyW — April 19, 2013 @ 1:00 pm
And a rousing toast from the adults in the breakroom. (75 bottles of beer on the wall…) From the northern reaches:
This old gnome he played ten
He played knick knack on the orc’s den
With a knick knack, baddy whack sinking into stone
These old gnomes were going home.
Comment by Richard — April 19, 2013 @ 3:57 pm
After hearing the Verrakai children’s verse 8, the mercenaries are going to adapt it further as a marching song, “This old Fox …”. They’ll come up with lots of impromptu variations.
Ginny, I get it, the verse from the north is about the Arcolinfulk gnomes.
I assumed the song would stop at 10, but if anyone has an 11 – make it a replacement 7 – then I can take it to 12.
(Though Paksworld has an afterlife – for humans – I don’t recall it ever being called “heaven”? Just as I did think of something else the gnome could have played for number five – something musical – but which would certainly not have been Paksworld.)
Comment by Jenn — April 20, 2013 @ 6:20 am
This old gnome didn’t play 11
He couldn’t think of anything better than 7
So no nick-knack skulls crack Kieri talks to bones
This old gnome stayed at home
Comment by Hugo Fuchs — April 20, 2013 @ 9:02 pm
First ask for a supervisor rather than dealing with the initial CS rep.
If that doesn’t work, have your lawyer send them a letter stating that you attempted to cancel your service at X date, and all future charges will be ignored, and that they need to send you a letter with the account # and any charges immediately due or end up with a lawsuit.
Comment by Richard — April 21, 2013 @ 8:55 am
Nice one Jenn.
This old gnome, he played seven,
He played nick-knack, call him Saben,
etc
[Which frees up my line for:]
This old gnome, he plays ‘leven,
He plays nick-knack (bread NEEDS leaven),
With a nick-knack, carry pack, leave dragons well alone,
This old gnome’s a rolling stone.
This old gnome, he’ll play twelve,
He’ll play knick-knack, down he’ll delve,
With a knick-knack, hurry back, rolling round and round,
Old kteknik goes underground.
[One of the out-of-sequence extra verses in the mercenaries’ marching song:]
This old Fox, he plays twenty,
He plays knick-knack eating plenty,
With a snick, snack, parry, hack, o’er Aarenis we roam,
This old Fox is marching home.
[That’s enough from me.]
Comment by Jenn — April 21, 2013 @ 11:22 am
Applause from the extras’ breakroom.
There were some vistors from William Goldman’s extra’s break room and they presented us with the Fessik award.
Comment by Richard — April 22, 2013 @ 2:46 am
Jenn,
I thought I knew what you are talking about (having watched the film on television, belatedly, just a year or two ago) but hadn’t realised it was a book first. See http://www.helium.com/items/1458206-the-princess-bride-book-review for example.
Comment by Richard — April 22, 2013 @ 2:49 am
PS It comes across from that review that Elizabeth should appreciate that book if, by some mischance, she doesn’t already know it.